The Means & the End

You may have heard the expression: the means to an end, but have you ever considered which was more important- the means or the end? The reality that I could have been living my life looking to the wrong part of that phase hit me hard last night.

Over the last month or so, I've been struggling with desired obedience- obedience with the heart behind the actions. Waking up early in the mornings to read my Bible, which used to be a thrill, became a burden. I had a greater desire to stay in my warm bed a few minutes longer, rather than spend time with the Creator of the world. I soon realized something was wrong with this picture, but I hadn't the ambition to change. I had allowed myself to become a victim to comfort, or laziness. 

After of a month of gently trying to get my attention, God could handle it no longer (how many of you know that God is a jealous God- and I spent more time with my bed than with Him). So, He spoke up. And not just Him, but my soul, as well. 

Last night my soul was gasping for air, shouting for life (in fact, that could have been the last string where God could hold Himself back no longer). I had this idea in my head to do all the "christian" stuff that night, (read the Bible, journal, listen to worship music), but I stayed out and did other things instead, (the whole time, my soul burning within me). I got home around ten o'clock and thought, I still have some time. But God had other things in mind.

I was finally about to pick up my Bible, when God told me, "Just go in your room, shut the door, turn off the lights, and lie in bed- I want to speak to you." After a little fight, I listened. As soon as I had decided in my heart to obey (and desire to), God began His case- but in the most gentle of ways. He spoke truth, and it hurt, but it was in the most gentle/ "because I love you" tone. 

He rebuked me, but not because I hadn't been reading my Bible. He rebuked me because I didn't show the love for Him I claimed to have. And due to that, I had no desire to obey Him. O' if you could have heard His tone of voice that night, it would have made your heart ache- He was so sad. I broke His heart, I literally broke God's heart- until His love spilled out and hit me like a flood, and washed my eyes clean, and now I see, what His love really means.

And finally, after hitting me over and over with with His gracious/ passionate/ jealous love, He said, "Stacy, I am more concerned with the process, than the end". And all this time I had worried myself with, "I have to do this to be christian". When all God wanted was for me to earnestly desire Him, because He is madly in love with me. Then, in that, I will enter into the splendor of pure rest- in the person He has made me (which is "the end"). 

Funny fact: there actually is no "end" (as far as the person is concerned). We don't just "become" who we were intended to be. We don't "arrive" at "the place". It is all a means, and that means is Christ. Paul had it right when he wrote, "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain"- Philippians 1:21.